Is It safe ?

I live with a writer, a statement that will send chills down the spine of other such people who have to endure the trials and tribulations of being a writers mate. We should have a support group with buddies who can advise you when all appears to be lost ( Similar to the AA way of doing things).

Picture the scene :

Writer suggesting to mate : Can you read this and give me an honest opinion.

Mate : Sure

Mate reads the material in silence.

Mate : That’s very good

Writer : You didn’t really like it then

Mate : Huh ?

Writer : Well you didn’t laugh and its supposed to be funny.

Mate : It is very funny

Writer : Why didn’t you laugh then.

Mate: I don’t normally laugh out loud at stuff I read, it makes me seem mad.

Writer : So its not that funny then.

Mate : Is this a test ? I thought you wanted my honest opinion.Its funny.

Writer : But not laugh out loud funny.

Mate : No

Writer : I won’t finish it then.

Mate : Why not ?

Writer : Cause you don’t like it

Mate ; Now I’m really confused, where did I say I didn’t like it.

Writer : I just know you don’t.

Mate : I’m not reading anymore of your material ever again. Leave me alone , this is a form of torture.

Writer : All I wanted was an honest opinion.

They go separate ways in the house.

This is not an unusual occurance in a house where a writer is in residence. And yet the writer will keep coming back looking for your opinion. I am afraid to say there is no way out unless you have for all your relationship either been blind or illiterate. You must answer and you must be honest. It really helps if your partner can actually write otherwise all that lying can get quite tedious. Not that I have that problem thank god.

I must admit that critiquing for my wife makes me feel like Dustin Hoffman in that scene from marathon man. You know the one the one where he’s be asked if its safe and he doesn’t know what hes been asked about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG5Qk-jB0D4

More to follow……

Stopped Again

I've stopped smoking again. Cold turkey, just like that. 2 and 1/2 weeks now and now only occasional spasms of pure need. Normally at about 5 O Clock in the afternoon.I resist of course and have another biscuit. Soon I'll have to give up biscuits, donuts and all sugary foodstuffs as well, before I feature on a channel 4 documentary where they have remove the back wall of the house to get me out. I do feel however like I've left a club that I was a member of for 30 years.All be it a club that was killing me slowly. However this club was where you picked up the gossip and where you could legitimately take a break without people questioning the need. Not that I work for an oppressive type of organisation , it just feels less right to loiter around outside without a cigarette in hand.Also it still retains that element of " couldn't care less " and a small whiff of danger. I will miss it, though not the wheeziness and shortness of breath or the smell or the yellow teeth and most certainly not the financial aspect. I will miss smoking because it means I have somehow become more sensible and responsible. Which I know in itself is a pretty stupid and childish attitude to take.

My stubbornness seems to increase and I get pretty dogmatic when I stop smoking, whether less oxygen getting my brain in some way dopes me and keeps me mellow, spo i need to learn to reign in the madness a little and relax again.

I will keep you posted....

15 Albums

My Wife Suggested I might do this, The challenge is to name your top 15 albums in 15 minutes. So here you go....

1)Exile on Main Street - The Rolling Stones



What can I say , it rocks...

2)The Wall - Pink Floyd



Still remember hearing it for the first time, Still listen almost daily, how sad is that.... Oh and going to see it toured by Roger Waters for the first time in 25 years in May next year.

3)The Doors - Live



Jim Morrison at his best Live screaming anger and rebellion.

4)Metallica - The Black Album



Warning don't drive to this you'll be done for speeding. Heavy rock with decent Lyrics and you can scare the kids with "Enter Sandman"


5)The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash



The man knew he was dying, covered these songs. I challenge you to listen to Hurt without crying.

6) Songs for the Deaf - Queens of the Stone Age



Look up angry in the dictionary you'll probably find this. Good for when you feel angry (at least you don't feel alone with your anger.)

7) Led Zeppelin iv



Words escape me.

8)Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd



One of my first albums and has everything.

9)Amused to Death - Roger Waters



Probably the most articulate anti-war album ever.

10) Meltdown - David Gilmour



A voice like velvet with his acoustic guitar. If this was piped into prisons there would never be any trouble.

11) Changes - David Bowie



A perfect album.

12)Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys



The catchiest album ever produced.

13)The Mission Soundtrack - Ennio Morricone



Makes me cry... enough said

14)Stone Roses - Stone Roses



Lie back and chill, let all that stress just bleed away.

15)Raising Sand - Robert Plant & Alison Krauss



On paper NO, in practice wow what an album.

Seven Interesting Things about me

Nominated by Sort of Writing for this, here goes.I have avoided where possible blatant name dropping as its too easy and to be fair I've met a lot of famous people through my work. However as you'll see some were too famous to leave out.

1)In one day I spoke to Steve Jobs using the isight camera and set Bono up to link in live to the MacExpo in the US to launch the U2 itunes music service.

2)I once gave my wife fake flowers by accident and didn't realise it until after I had given them to her. I don't know where they are now but suspect they were binned a long time ago.We are still married and I won't make that mistake again.

3)My Great Aunt was nanny to the Romanov Children and my grandmother was in the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest practicing GP in the world for a while. She was 93 when she stopped practicing and lived to 103.

4) When I was three I fell from the top of a haybarn and landed on my back in the farmyard. I was unharmed and don't think there was any lasting damage.I'll leave that for others to judge.

5)I have only ever won one competition , where I sent a riddle in to go on an Ice Cream stick. I won a Kodak Instamatic camera which my brother broke within two hours of me getting it. All I can say is he should not of been on top of the Fridge in the first place and I'm not bitter.

6) I started driving at the age of eight (tractors).

7) I was on stage at the Gaiety pantomime with Maureen Potter & Des Keogh. I had to sing "Hubba Hubba Hubba" along with other poor unfortunates from the audience. I still am unable to think of this without cringing.

There you go, some interesting, some not so much so.

I am an Individual

If I tell myself enough I'll believe it, I am not a number, I am fighting against the breakdown of our society and its headlong crash towards the worship of worldly goods as a measure of a person.

Mostly in my head (as I am also a pacifist and abhor violence)and also some of those people scare me.

So when the conversation turns to what people want, what they got and what they need next, I tend to drift away to the special place in my mind reserved for the appearing to listen but not really doing so.An art most males of my age have perfected. It only really requires the odd 'Hmmm', and 'I see' and 'really' interjected at suitable times.It doesn't really matter as people don't really want to hear what I have to say in reply, they are in the main just looking for approval for what they have to say.

I am not and never will be impressed with peoples material wealth. I don't care about whether their kitchen cost 10 euro or 10K euro. I don't care if they have a tent in Cork or a holiday home in Spain. I don't care if they have a small, medium or large mortgage. What I do care about is people and how they treat other people.

There....the rant is over ... and you know what it feels good...maybe I should do it again.